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16 August 2010



We went on a day trip to St Andrews yesterday.
In part inspired by your post of Aug the 7th. I hadn't been there before, we had a really good day.

I've often thought about this verse in Job 13:15.
'Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.'
It has at times been a source of comfort and strength for me.


Dear Alan - and other readers,
It is with a vivid sense of my own inadequacies - having not yet faced the reality of my own mortality - that I dare to comment. So it is with a considerable amount of trepidation - and yet a sense felt from your blogs that you would welcome honest reflections on what you express in order to have a conversation by this method - that I offer a few comments on what I have read here, and in all the past contributions you (and only 2 others??) have made since July 24th 2010.

I suppose that encapsulates my first thought -- why are there only 2 'comments'?
Which whilst being encouragements and expressions of high regard for your faith in your situation may not really add much to your ability to cope or understand God's purpose in it ? is the current Christian faith community so unable to attempt to meet your needs? Please be assured that this is in not any any criticism of your own expression of faith - but may be construed best as my exasperation at the prevaiing shallowness of modern Christian 'faith'..which has clearly been adulterated by 'modernism' to an alarming degree in many ...else why so few faithful comments for you to date?? (emails cost nothing - only a little time + honest personal reflection....)

In some attmept to stand up to my own standards of offering some honest thoughts on your comments of 15th August (after a painful night) I hesitate to suggest - but in all honesty and personal experience of considerable suffering whilst being in the path of God's will - I must own up to holding some alternative views to yours..ie what works for you (which I respect) is to separate your feelings from your belief in the 'objective truth of God'. In my experience, and in my professional work now, I find that this is very hard for most people to do..and indeed given the nature of Jesus (who was fully human and fully divine) I would suggest may not be achievable?

I offer this to you directly - and to anyone else reading this indirectly - for comment and contradiction - not as in any way a didactic 'teaching'.

My own personal experience (which I am sure you will respect and not criticise harshly/trample on) is that in the times when I have been at my lowest ebb (because of various extreme causes ie death of a very young loved one, being out of control in a terrifying way etc ...) I have not been able to encapsulate a sensible thought -but have been awash with powerful emotions - including the anger and railing aginast God that I think you may also be describing.. in your blog about the depths of the night - and yet God has remained faithful over and over again by 'lifting me out of the bog' (some Psalm or other..(I take no pride in being able to quote chapter and verse, I do not know it) ......but has met me in the murky depths of unvoiced angry, resentful and despairing feelingst....and at all times gave me a sense deep down inside that I was NEVER alone (I think akin to the 'deep calls to deep').

That is all I feel I have to say, and I offer it to you as my unknown brother in order to sustain you in the depths of your distress....if it helps.
Please know that you are in my prayers - and although we have not met, I can recognise and love you as a kindred suffering soul,

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Books - GadgetVicar is trying to finish:

GadgetVicar serves with:

  • Scottish Anglican Network
    A network in Scotland of Anglican churches and individuals who follow Jesus and are enthusiastic for Him to be known in our communities.
  • St Thomas' Church, Edinburgh
    A welcoming community of people in the West of Edinburgh who follow Jesus and who long for others to join them on that journey.
    Helping faithful Anglicans in the British Isles and Europe to proclaim the Gospel to the nations.
  • Tearfund
    A Christian charity passionate about ending poverty. I serve on the Scottish Advisory Group.