Friend

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17).

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24).

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Proverbs 27:6).

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17).

Because I've had to literally put my feet up because of this infection, I've been thinking about a few things. One of them is friendship. I've had lots of friends to stay while I've been struggling, and it's been great to walk and talk with them, sometimes long into the night. Sometimes to simply sit together and watch a movie. Eating together. Laughing a lot. Swapping stories of events in our lives since last we met.

I met Gary while I was in Jerusalem a few years ago. We stayed in the same hotel, and I think we met over a meal, and simply hit it off. I think it was an Australian/Scottish humour thing that made it happen, quietly joking at each other's expense, which we could only do because we liked each other. On our last day in Israel, we drove down to Masada in my hire car. Turns out we'd both wanted to do this for a long time. We roasted in the heat as we wandered around this empty mountaintop fortress, but we were both moved by the awesome history of this place, where the outlines of the first century Roman siege encampments can still be seen from the heights. Sometimes friendships are formed in shared experiences like that. We shared a similar experience on Saturday, when a friend recommended visiting another hilltop fortress, Dumbarton Castle. It reminded us of our first meeting, as we wandered around another place steeped in history. I sang him the words of  'O Flower of Scotland' as we stood beneath the flag of St Andrew on the hilltop and we laughed uproariously together.

We need real friends, even those of us who are introverts (my own company is simply the best company I know!). Not Facebook 'friends' - I think they should be changed to 'acquaintances', surely? There is a running gag in last week's episode of the Radio 4 show, The Secret World, in which Rowan Williams wants to hang out with the other bishops because he has no friends (available on iPlayer until Thursday 4th August 2010).

Mike and Helen visited overnight last night. I 've known them a lot longer. Mike was one of those who put me up to apply for the St Silas' job (he has much to answer for). He has counseled, listened, enthused, challenged and laughed with me through the years and nothing much has changed there. I'm grateful for a whole bunch of people in my life who have done that for so long. That's been especially precious to me over the last few years, when things have been so very difficult and painful. At times, I have felt utterly lost and alone. Even though people have been there for me, the sense of isolation and estrangement has been at times almost overwhelming. Yet friends have fed me, made sure I've taken exercise, had fun, got some sleep and above all ensured that I have not given up. GV Bro, Houston, Jennifer, Philip, Ali, Ruth and many others have all played their part, and I am reminded of the power that friendship has to change us.

Jesus has a thing about friendship  - 'I have called you friends' (John 15:15). In Luke's gospel, Jesus talks about friends all of the time. I'm guessing that his friends mean a lot to him. He got upset when they died or got things wrong. He loved eating with them (a lot). I can't imagine those were boring dinner parties or that everyone sat around in complete and reverent silence. I'd bet that there was alot of laughter and a bit of winding one another up as friends tend to do. We don't always get a sense of this, but I think it's great fun to be around Jesus and his friends. And I'm invited.

But friendship works both ways: to have a friend means to be a friend. I'm watching as people love their sick friends to health. The kindnesses large and small, that make hard times a little more bearable. The weeping with one another that means pain and sorrow is shared. The laughing together bringing glimpses of joy. It all fills me with a sense of hope. And I pray that we will be a church that allows new friendships to form. Where the cynics and the hard-hearted will have those aspects of their lives melted away by love. In order to do so, they'll have to let love in, be vulnerable and give of themselves to others.

New friendships do come our way. Sometimes very unexpectedly. We may be taken by a surprise that will overjoy us. We'll have to make room for new friendships to grow. There might be risk and even doubt. I've experienced all of that myself over the last few years. Even now, I'm feeling exactly that. Yet, I know there is adventure, excitement and real possibilities in getting to know new people.

I hope I am a good friend to those I gratefully count as my friends.

Comments

[Jimmy]

In your ministry,
may the Lord graciously also grant you a few enemies.
Matthew 15
Then the disciples came to him and asked, "Do you know'
that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?"

[GadgetVicar]

Thanks Jimmy, I find that I have had more than enough enemies down through the years. It's said by some that Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' might have been a person, rather than an ailment, and the Lord used that thorn in Paul's life. We need both friends to help us, and enemies to hone us (and grow love in us!).

[ryan]

Of course, the thing about church is that it's hard to tell enemies and friends apart ;)

[Jimmy]

Paul lived such an itinerant life-style I doubt if his 'thorn in the flesh' was a person unless he had a conjoined twin.
Could possibly have been cataracts.
Too many days sitting in the sun making tents.

[Billy]

Temporal lobe epilepsy is a common theory - would explain his "visions"/ blindness and tempers. Personally, I'm not sure he existed - too many differences in what "he" wrote.

"But friendship works both ways: to have a friend means to be a friend. "

Yet so many christians struggle and not know what they are being "lead to do". Certainly a factor in my rejection of christianity - no dialogue - just frustration at silence leading to the enlightenment of non belief.

The friend analogy fails because you would not stay friends with someone who didn't return your calls or provide comfort/support when needed. Would you stay friends with someone who left you feeling unimportant and rejected? Would you stay friends with someone who created a pathogen, let you become infected by it, could cure it and doesn't? (Hope it clears up BTW) I see alot more people being faithful to "god" than the other way around

When you need support, it is always been people who give it.

[Jimmy]

Just found your comment.
After reading it twice these verses came to me:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13.

I like - "The enlightenment of non belief"

[Billy]

Jimmy, your verse reminds me of this quote from Jimmy Carr "When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church."

I do see things with new wonder now that I don't believe. Life is so much simpler and makes sense too. I would recommend reading Christopher Hitchens on his attitude to his possibly terminal cancer. http://richarddawkins.net/videos/496569-hitchens-on-cancer-diagnosis-why-not-me